Small changes have space to grow

I've been trying to shake things up a little bit lately. For some reason, getting angry at the situation I'm currently in did me good. I realized that if I want to change certain aspects of my life, I might as well start with small steps, but keep on doing them in order to make progress. What's big used to be small omce, right?
First of all, I took care of my schedule. It's been a while since the last time I was ahead of my school work, and it makes me feel really good about myself. Doing things on time encourages me to go forward. I'm thinking of trying to get some free lance jobs. Maybe I won't get the money I want right away, but I'll gain experience and satisfaction from actually doing something related to my field. I know I'm good at it, but I don't always allow myself to acknowledge it. For example, a couple of months ago, I was 99% done with a paper on the due date, but I gave it almost a week late because I was afraid of finishing it in a way that wouldn't be good enough. In the end, my actual grade was pretty good, but I got penalty for being late. After that I decided to trust myself more.
It's not surprising that I'm going through changes so quickly. I started writing this blog not so long ago, but its purpose was never to complain. When I wrote the first post, I already saw the need of a change. So righ now I'm sitting in a starbucks writing this post, and it's far from being the main purpose of my day. I got up early, went to the gym, had a little bit of shopping since it's black Friday, and after that I'll go back to writing my paper, which I'll finish today, over two weeks before the due date. So maybe these are small steps, but I'm starting to see an actual meaning to my actions. Even if it's small at this point. But it has space to grow.

The truth about me revealed

The secret to where I'm going is, that most of the time, I don't have a specific destination in mind. The coffee shop was never a stop, it's always been a destination. Because after that, I don't really have a place to go to. I am still a student, even though I look like a well paid professional (that's the beauty of having some fashion sense and knowing all the deals for clothing). And I don't have a stable job to rely on at this point of my life. Nor do I have people.
This big city is not my hometown. I came here to rescue myself from a life I couldn't handle back home. By setting myself free, I also didn't leave any strings attached. Sure I have friends, and even a boyfriend now. But they don't solve my personal issues.
I was so desperate of leaving and starting a new life that I didn't think everything straight and the program I chose won't lead me to any good job. I wanted to have that life I used to see on the screen of my computer.  I wanted to be and became the fashionable girl who walks downtown with her coffee cup and her beautiful purse. But what I never thought of at the time was where I should be walking. What's the destination of it all? And I don't know how to do it at this point. I became what I wanted to be, not who I wanted to be. 
And now that I'm here, that girl with a Starbucks coffee and high heels, I realize that the biggest question of all is the one I haven't answered out yet.
Everything isn't totally bad though. And I don't want to use these blog to complain. I've got a little bit of money aside and I'm still in college, getting a bachelor degree which is worth something no matter what. But at this time of my life, most of my future is in the blur. I have a lot to figure out, and I want to share it with you, because you might somehow relate too.

Xoxo

Starbucks coffe and high heels